I was watching Senna with dad earlier and now I can’t stop thinking about what happened to Dan Wheldon.

Did that really happen? It still doesn’t seem real. I just need to get this out. I wasn’t watching the race live but I had Danica’s manager’s tweets to my phone and got the tweet about the big crash. A big crash is a big crash - that didn’t worry me as much as you’d think. I flicked over some time later and everything was pretty silent, just talking about what happened. I can’t even remember things properly. I think I heard something about Pippa Mann been involved and a few others and then something about Dan - I saw Danica’s interview when she said it was awful what happened to Dan and that she hoped he was okay (or something to that affect) and started to worry oh so slightly. Then it got later, so I climbed into bed and asked people to tweet me if there was any news. Then I got the tweet from Danica’s management saying they sent love to Suzie and the boys and my heart just dropped. I couldn’t breathe. Then my friend tweeted an article to me - Dan had been killed. He was dead. I rushed downstairs to watch the news on a loop until at the earliest 1am and didn’t sleep a wink. I’m still in disbelief. The worst part was I had the coverage of the race saved on my DVR because I had planned to watch it later that night and I couldn’t delete it, so I watched it. I don’t know why, but I NEEDED to see it. Does that sound sadistic? I just knew that it I could only close my eyes so many times when they showed it on TV or when I read articles online. It was so tragic and unfortunately, a day I will never forget. I’m just glad I wasn’t watching live because I lived through it without having to see it all unfold on TV and that killed me itself.

I still don’t believe he’s gone. RIP Lionhart. 

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