Things I write that make me a bad person:

“The train journey was interesting. There was a rather well-spoken woman sat next to me and while I was reading my ‘1001 Ridiculous Ways to Die’ book, she was reading a book about criminology. I found it particularly entertaining when something hit her on the head extremely hard. And when she fell asleep, I made sure she was still breathing….”

- My favourite part was when the conductor asked if she was okay and she answered, “I’ll tell you in half an hour.